my contemplations: "shatterred"

my contemplations: "shatterred": in control of my emotions... smiles that were not lies... laughters that only meant joy... actions that means everything... words that come ...

"shatterred"

in control of my emotions...

smiles that were not lies...

laughters that only meant joy...

actions that means everything...

words that come from the heart...

this was the girl before you came...

you gave me feelings that no one did,

feelings that i thought i would never feel,

it gave the word love a new meaning...

a word that felt forever...

you set my body into adrenaline rush...

my smiles became yours,

a smile of mixed emotions i could not define...

laughter that only you could only hear,

laughter that means a lot of things...

actions that became vague for everyone,

vague enough to distraught even me...

words that can mean the other,

words that will satisfy your ears...

this was the girl you left hanging on a cliff...

how can you say the words i love you

if you don't really mean it?

how can you say the words take care

if you don't really care?

how can you say forever

if you have already left?

how can you say that you'll always be here

if you were never there?

you're so ironic i can't even tell what is...

everything that was clear before now is a blur

i'm not the girl i used to be...

maybe good...or worse...

i don't know what changed or who changed...

nothing's really the same now...

everything changed when you came...

i lost myself in the process of loving you...

i lost my sense of self-importance,

and turned into someone pathetic,

someone i used to hate...

but now as i see my reflection,

i can see this pitiful site...

watery-eyed, pathetic little girl

who used to be on top of everything...

clothed with the best brands,

but deep inside bleeding endlessly...

no gauze nor plaster can hide the ugliness of the wounds...

no drugs or alcohol to ease up the pain...

no doctor to cure  wounded soul...

maybe not even death is a choice for escape...

shattered dreams and broken soul,

this is what i have become...

your voice, your kiss, your skin, your words,

still lingers in every part of me...

and as you left this girl hanging,

you've handed this jagged piece of knife...

you never said goodbye,

but your actions told me so...

and it's enough to slice open this piece of meat

i once gave to you...